that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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