fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize