There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
