two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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