Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
