my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
