You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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