She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
