Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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