just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
