we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
