I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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