he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have already put on my inside pants.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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