i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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