He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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