It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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