Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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