i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
