She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
