I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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