i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
