Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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