Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
