google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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