why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
