Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Shame is for Republicans.
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