I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
