I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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