**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
