I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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