I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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