hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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