The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
