just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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