i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
false alarm, still single
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