The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm at about main and main street
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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