I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we're so committed to being not committed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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