Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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