I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
