is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
