I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
porn star boner night. come get it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we should paint friendship bongs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
