She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
