the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
