So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
