This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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