she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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