his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize