he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
