My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
