All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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