Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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