Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's never too late to be topless.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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