If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize