theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
