i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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