I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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