Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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