I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
