did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
