I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
