OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
