I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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