Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
