I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
