So drunk, too bad you don't want this
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
