I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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