Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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