when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
