Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
