Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
