I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
