I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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