Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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