My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
