Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Four minutes until I can fart!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
