So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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