You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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