I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
